Some people say that women whose husbands are active users of drugs are very nice to their wives. Though they may call names, insult or beat them while they are under the substance’s influence, there wouldn’t be a better husband in the world after the effect wears off. Some wives say that this is the reason they put up with their spouses who are involved with substance abuse, for their marriage and for their kids’ sake.
However this doesn’t mean that the number of women in the world who raise their voices against their drug addict spouses is low. There are many women who do not put up with their ordeal and take persistent actions against it. They protest against such men for the sake of their wives who live in silence, bearing the pain of being abused constantly.
This is the story of one such woman, who lived in silence and suffered the abuse from her husband. 38 year old Maree, (placeholder name for the sake of anonymity) married her first husband for love. Her husband Nihaad is a well faring man with a good level of education and a job that bore a salary that was enough for their lifestyle. Maree met Nihaad while she was living in Malé along with her family. They met, fell in love, and got married in the sweet hopes for a happy and content life by themselves. Because they fared well with just Nihaad’s salary, Maree didn’t have to get a job, and thus she’d stayed home. She wanted to have kids and raise them to be good citizens, as a housewife.
Not long after their marriage, they soon conceived a baby. The child only saw it’s father when he came home from the resort for work holidays, and after some time, these days were always full of love and joy for the family. Nobody had complaints, as their life was fulfilling enough. Nihaad would drop small comments but Maree didn’t think much of it. She would solve every conflict in peace with a friendly manner.
“Earlier, I’d never have suspected that Nihaad was a drug addict. He has studied well and gotten a good job, enough to attract envious stares. He was a good man, not only to his family but also to all his friends. He would pay any bills or fines without a single word. You wouldn’t have to ask him twice,” Maree narrates.
Maree found out Nihaad’s true nature after they’d gotten two children, while he was home for holidays.
“He was acting very unusual, and it aroused my suspicions. Once he’d slept, I checked his pockets and was disheartened as my suspicions were confirmed. There were small packets of drugs in them. I immediately lost all respect I had for him. I was sick of our relationship.” Maree says. This was the supposed beginning of her abuse. Maree didn’t want to keep quiet and not do anything about it, so one day she questioned him about his habits. She let him know that she was aware of his substance abuse.
“From that point on, my life changed completely. I saw sides of my husband that I’d never seen before. He started to insult and curse me at every opportunity or as he wished. Life had become a struggle and I was always thinking desperately, unable to figure out what I could do. Every time he was under the effect of the drugs, he was a dangerous man. But he was just as good as he used to be once it wore off. I was confused and didn’t know what decision I should have taken at that point.
“One day it hit me, the painful truth. Nihaad had always been a drug addict, from the very beginning. Even before we met and got married. His family was also aware of the matter, and I hadn’t known because he was always at the resort for work. He never used the drugs while he was home for the holidays and no one would’ve suspected a thing. He didn’t even further try to hide the fact that he does drugs, after I found out.” Maree didn’t want to live for the rest of her life in silence, and do nothing about her husband. She wanted to save herself from this ordeal.
“A lot of people in the modern society would say that I should just keep my mouth shut for the sake of my kids, but I do not believe in this mindset. They say that my kids would be happy as long as I was living without complaint. If the household was hostile, tarnished by yelling and arguments, it would make a bad example for my children. It was the equivalent of involving them in the whole situation. I wanted to raise my children in a healthy, loving ambiance, but it was clear that as long as I was with Nihaad, I was far from it by a long shot. After thinking about it for a very long time, I myself decided to break the ties of our relationship. I decided to divorce him without a second thought. However, the divorce couldn’t separate my kids from their father, and I didn’t stop him from visiting them.”
“The problems arose again, and he started begging me to remarry him, that he would change his ways. I knew he would not, however. After all he’s said to me and how badly he treated me. , I’ve lost any love I had for him in my heart
“Even if I had to spend the rest of my life as a single mother, I would never marry Nihaad again. I made this clear to him, and begged him to leave me and my kids alone. He was still covering the costs he should be taking care of as the father of the kids, and I let him know that it was enough.” “After splitting up with my husband, and living in peace in the hopes that I’ll never have to face such abuse again, my life took another turn for the worse.” “He would still beg me to remarry him at the time, to which of course I reply with harsh rejection. He then began getting the notion that I was seeing some other guy. I told him that he was mistaken, but he didn’t buy it. One late night, out of nowhere, he forced himself in and attacked me. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. The mere memory of that night makes me tremble with fear. It has affected the mental state of both me and my kids. “
After hearing false rumors that Maree was dating another man, Nihaad assaulted her one night under the influence of drugs. He pounced on her like a hungry predator mauling his prey, biting every part of her body his jaws could reach relentlessly, drawing blood. Her scream for help attracted the attention of her kids and her mother, who were fighting to pull her away from him, begging Nihaad to let her go. Their pleas fell on deaf ears, however, as Nihaad was completely out of control, the drug’s effect clouding his mind.
“He grabbed my hair, and flung my head into the wall mercilessly. I remember the room spinning as the first reaction to the trauma to my head. Even then I could feel the blood from the bite wound flowing out. I could smell the reek of blood. I was struggling, desperately trying to escape his grasp and run outside. After much effort, I finally freed myself from his grip and ran outside. The next thing I knew, I blacked out completely. I remember waking up at the hospital, sore all over and my heart still pounding dangerously in my chest. Several days of treatment later the wounds faded and healed, but I wish I could say the same for the wounds inflicted on my heart. The trauma scarring my mind. It took me a lot of strength to move on.” I managed to leave the incident behind in the past with the help of my family and friends. Their unwavering support got me through that horrible phase of my life.
Despite the whole incident happening in front of so many people, some people still talked about the matter as though I was responsible for it. It’s truly disheartening to see the mindset of some people, who blame the wife for what their drug abusing husbands do. Some people claim that I married Nihaad for his money and divorced him after he built the house I live in, but do those people have any idea what I’ve been through, behind the closed doors of our home while we were still in that toxic relationship? No one knows about the many nights I’ve spent crying my eyes out in terror. Every time a family is broken apart, the woman isn’t always to blame. Only the family itself, that witnessed everything with their own eyes are aware of what it going on, not the people who watch everything unfold and make gossip out of it,” Maree tells us about those who still blame her even after the whole incident. Maree doesn’t believe that her life has been completely destroyed after the breakage of her first marriage. She says that she has gained life lessons from her experience and learned from her mistakes. She has begun a new life with a fresh start after moving on.
“After marrying Nihaad I experienced the life of a woman whose husband uses drugs and abuses his wife. I hope that someday the people who do such things realize their sins and change their ways for good”
